tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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