Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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