you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
