I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
