I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
