I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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