i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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