At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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