and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
