I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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