we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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