It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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