Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
