awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
