You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
