she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
