i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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