My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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