I can text with my tongue
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
