reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
