I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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