Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
