i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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