my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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