just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
