Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
