If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
being pregnant is like rehab
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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