What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
