While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
