38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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