what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
