garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why didn't you poke me back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
