I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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