I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
