Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wish there were birth control emojis
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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