I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things