So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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