First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.