Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"