I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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