I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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