this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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