With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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