Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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