fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
