eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
