Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
