just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
