I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
