Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I looked at my own cervix.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
