Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
