Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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