Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
