And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
