i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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