I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
love makes seman taste better
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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