First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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