We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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