Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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