His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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