I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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