So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
