you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
