Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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