he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
