If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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