i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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