I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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