Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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