I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
