3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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