the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
