If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
