the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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