loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
