I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
