i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
