I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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